someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
