Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
