I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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