You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
