i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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