bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
