Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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