watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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