She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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