I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
