she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
