Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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