Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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