from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Four minutes until I can fart!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
