Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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