so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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