if i can run in heels then i can drive
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
