is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
They have beer where we have blood.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
