theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
