i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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