omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
