I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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