trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
