I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
