listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
