i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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