what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
