So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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