the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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