i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize