All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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