Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
