U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Alive.
So much puke
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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