he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
