what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
