Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
