Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
