You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
