I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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