He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
