Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
