I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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