So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
