god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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