last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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