That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize