Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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