i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
