I wish my penis had an off switch
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
