I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
