if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
