Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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