In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
