I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
