dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
