I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
