Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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