Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
