she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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