never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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