I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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