i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
soo... how was my night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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