My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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