Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
