you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
