Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
