i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
