my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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